so saturday was snake's birthday party out in nj at clyde's girl's house. i was the first person to arrive. immediately started pounding beers. was eating all sorts of dips. all sorts of chips. actually only tostidos, but lots of them. shrimp cocktail. pigs in blankets with mustard. and horseradish mustard. and ketchup. then we start playing beer pong and ive got my side beers going. by game 3 im hammered and the most full i've ever been. i "sit a few plays out" because i lost, but also because id never been more full in my life. i couldnt have consumed another ounce of anything. i didnt even finish the beers from that last game. i gave them to my teammate, bob buttons to finish (sidenote: he had too many legendary quotes from the party to list. one of my favorite is the blog title).
so there was this banging buffalo chicken cheese dip that clyde's girlfriend made. but since i was the first person there, me clyde and snake basically killed almost all this dip before anyone got there. So to reiterate, i was fucking full as hell. honestly tho i was kind of pissed because i wanted to keep drinking. but i was going to be in a coma if i didnt handle this situation asap. so i went upstairs to the bathroom with a little separation from the party and was going to force myself to boot. not difficult. the boot flowed easily. not only was i shocked that i was able to boot with such ease, but i was also impressed by the amount of boot. there was quite a bit. didnt remember eating this much buff chicken cheese dip, but that was basically all I was booting. after a point i stopped, but i knew there was more work to be done. made one last boot heave. ahhhhh relief. felt light like bobby.
flush. shit! there's boot all over the bowl.... no problem. ive dealt with problems like this before. only need a little tp. uh. no tp. Ahhh thank god paper towel under the sink. crisis averted. clean it up. flush the towels down. successful mission. now just to wash my hands and head back to raging. look in mirror.
fantastic! boot splashback all over my white fucking tshirt. Buffalo chicken cheese vomit toilet water splashback. great. this party should be great from here on out. i take the shirt off and am scrubbing it in the sink. ferociously. alright the boot spots are coming off. some of them at least. i should be good to go. if i can just get these big ones off and put my zip up hoodie on when i go back downstairs no one will notice. fuck. this shirt is now soaking wet. cant go back to the party with a soaking shirt. its better than boot spots, but this will not do. alright, we're in a girls house. no biggie. ill just use a hair dryer. they have to have one in here. searching searching searching. nope. no hair dryer. ahhh but there is a hair straightener. bingo. bango. heat that bitch up, iron my shirt up. head back down to the party tshirt damper, 4 pounds lighter, ready to fucking rage.
that is all.
Storchy.
